WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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