hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
