Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Randomize
