just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Randomize
