can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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