the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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