the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
