I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
