Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
