Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
