Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
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