so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
