Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
