i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
