Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
