That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
