When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
