My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
