He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
