i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
