And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Its about making memories worth repressing
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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