tell your sister to shave her snatch
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
