we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
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