So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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