that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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