C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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