Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
