Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
