we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
