grandma shit on top of the toilet
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
