I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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