marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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