I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
