He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
