Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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