Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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