U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We had to coat check the pizza.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
