i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
