mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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