Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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