your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
