also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Randomize
