So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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