I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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