so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
