PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this just has baby written all over it
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
