I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
My underwear smells like fireworks.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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