I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
