I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
