Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
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