You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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