Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
