My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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