you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
